The end of Year 6 can stir up a whirlwind of emotions, excitement, uncertainty, fear, sadness and sometimes behaviour that looks ‘difficult’. But this isn’t just about change, it’s about endings and endings can be tough. How do you say goodbye to friend you’ve spent 7 years with? How do you leave some behind? How do you move away from the culture, routine and familiarity that primary school brings. A space you’ve become accustomed to as you have grown and developed over the years. It’s so tough, especially for those children who are more vulnerable.
Children’s brains are still developing their capacity to manage complex emotions and dealing with endings is a vital milestone and learning opportunity for them. The prefrontal cortex (rational thinking brain), the area responsible for reasoning and regulation, is still developing. So, when faced with leaving a familiar place and people, children often express their feelings through behaviour. You might see them:
- Acting “too cool to care”/ ignoring their emotions/ not engaging in ending activities
- Arguing with friends/ falling out over small things/ pushing friends away
- Becoming clingy or withdrawn/ using baby voices/ struggling with change
- Refusing to complete work/ disengaging/ avoiding challenges
These are signs of stress, and sometimes even a feeling of grief. They may be grieving the end of childhood, of being known, of feeling safe.
What can you do?
In school:
- Talk openly about endings and emotions- have circle times, watch videos on emotions and use them as a talking point
- Revisit, remember and reflect together- build a timeline or scrapbook/ create a memory tree together where you hang memories on the branches of a tree outside
- Create opportunities for closure- memory jars, planting seeds, farewell letters
- Be aware that some children may sabotage, push you away or become really challenging- this is their way of coping and is often a sign of a trauma response. Be mindful that this isn’t bad behaviour and be kind, connective and reflective in your responses (Use my therapeutic teaching approach steps)
At home:
- Ask how they’re feeling about the change- listen more than you speak, ask them about positive memories, validate their responses “I bet it feels so hard to say goodbye” “its been such a good school” “you feel ready to move on” “you feel unsure”
- Share your own stories of growing up and starting something new, share stories of famous people who have had endings or transitions
- Offer consistency in routines where possible- consistency = reliability and safety. Remember, school is full of end of year activities, routines have changed and things feel unstructured- they need structure at home even more
- Help them plan small things they can look forward to in their new school, help them prepare by looking at the website together, social feeds, the uniform and even doing the school drive or walk together ahead of September
Comment below with your own experiences and let me know if you have tried any of these tips and if they helped 🙂
Shahana X