The big question and a topic that is very relevant right now! It’s common for children to receive a phone as they prepare to leave primary school, it has become somewhat of a rite of passage and is also often something we do for safety. But most children aren’t emotionally ready for the world that lives inside that device and we must be aware of that!
It is so important to know the science before we follow the trend of giving our child a phone. I myself have a daughter moving into high school in September and I am navigating this very issue as we speak!
What do we need to know?
Smartphones stimulate the brain’s dopamine reward system. Each notification, scroll and ‘like’ lights up the brain’s pleasure centres, reinforcing use and increasing dependency. The young the brain is more vulnerable it is to this cycle and as a result phones can become addictive. When the whole world lives online- it is so easy for our children to think that they should too but phones literally impact their brain development, behaviour and even their mental health. Phone use can:
- Impact sleep- the light from the phone screen can affect sleep quality and make it hard to fall asleep
- Increase mental health needs- studies show increased phone use can increase anxiety and depression and students report this themselves!
- Decrease social skills- phones promote less face-to-face interaction and can hinder emotional intelligence (the ability to read and manage your own emotions and those of others)
- Increase negative self-comparison, self-esteem and confidence – especially when using social media
- Decrease focus in the classroom- concentration levels are often impaired due to the constant fast paced, instant gratification on apps/games and social platforms
What we’re giving isn’t just a phone, it’s a portal to an unpredictable, adult world we have very little control over. Children are finding themselves sucked into the devices, spending less time playing with friends and more time staring at a screen. They also introduce comparison, social pressure, addiction and exposure to content their brains aren’t yet equipped to process.
Signs your child may not be ready yet:
- Difficulty switching off screens without a reaction
- Low tolerance to frustration
- Poor impulse control or high anxiety after screen time
- Seeking approval or reassurance often
Phones are having such a negative impact on children and young people that we are now seeing an increase in documentaries and studies warning us of the impact. I will share some of the best links below.
So what can we do?
It is a tough one, especially when everyone else seems to have a phone but here are some top tips which will support them developmentally and emotionally whilst balancing the practical aspects:
- You could go off grid and give them an old Nokia phone- just for calls and texts
- Give them a ‘pinwheel phone’ or ‘Bark phone’ which look like real smart phones but have no internet or social media and have parent controls so you can see messages sent/ manage their usage and even turn off apps at certain times
- Try not to let them have social media until they are 16 when they are developmentally ready- I know it seems extreme but I truly believe it is the best thing you can do for your child (read the anxious generation book I link below for more info)
- introduce phones gradually, with clear boundaries and education- give them their phone in June or July and monitor it together over summer, gradually teaching them about boundaries and rules as you go so they are ready in September and know the rules
- Be consistent and predictable with your rules and let them know you will be checking their phone
- Keep phones out of bedrooms and minimise usage at the weekends- a few hours window and then it goes away
- Encourage more real-life contact with friends- be open to having friends round and allowing them to ‘hang out’ at yours rather than through screens and have a no phone rule in your home
- Have open conversations about healthy usage
Talk to your child about:
- How screens affect their brain- teach them about phones and their impact- watch the below movies together and listen to the below podcasts and movies together so they can empower themselves
- How they feel after using certain apps- getting them to reflect and ‘feel’ the impact for themselves and noticing the impact it has on their behaviour
- What they can do if something online makes them uncomfortable
Podcast: Here is how we can free the anxious generation- listen here
Watch: The social dilemma – watch here
Read or listen to on audible: The Anxious Generation Buy here
Thanks so much,
Shahana